“Will you come with me to the mountains? It will hurt at first, until your feet are hardened. Reality is harsh to the feet of shadows. But will you come?” CS LEWIS.

<---this is a picture of Brooke Fraser that I love at the moment. I feel like this picture, like I could spread out my arms and just take off. Like the wind would blow me away and take me somewhere anywhere.

I'm currently unemployed. I've been unemployed for a month but unofficially unemployed for exactly a week now. Not having a job, and at this point not looking for one, really frees me to do what I want. For example, this past week I spent hours exploring Seoul, found a comfy cafe to read in, ate dinners with friends, watched random movies all day and went to Wednesday night service. I could never eat dinner with friends because I always ended work at 10! Even better, I get to go to retreat this weekend. Something I would have never been able to do at my last job.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I wish I could tape a card that said that to my forehead sometimes so people would stop asking me with pity eyes. Or it'd just be easier to answer that way. So...What are you gonna do? Hand them the card that says: "I DON'T KNOW, GET BACK TO ME ON THAT ONE. "

I don't even know where I'll be or what I will be doing next week let alone the year trajectory. I can commit to staying here and just find work. Or I can commit to going back home so I can start studying for the GRE's or just find a job in Seattle. Or, I could sign up for the Peacecorp or go on a year-long missions or do a YWAM program or take some Bible classes at Regent or Torch. Or I could spend all my money and travel through Southeast Asia or go visit countries in Europe. All of which I've always wanted to do... and as you can see, the list can potentially just go on.

I'm just glad right now that I'm free. Free of contracts. Free of alarms in the morning. Free from the dread of going into work every day. And minus all the stress that comes with transitions in life and the pressure to figure everything out, I like just knowing that I can do whatever I want right now. Perhaps the panic will come next week. Perhaps it never will and I'll just live in this blissful freedom. I feel like singing Nelly Furtado's I'm Like a Bird. I only fly away. And until the panic comes I'd like to believe it: I'm gonna fly away.